I have something to say.
My heart is a cold and wet dark place where demons frolic and play and push each other on the playground all day, sometimes they grind down each other’s teeth and drag each other by their hair. sometimes they eat little children and they don’t care. they’re an evil bunch I have a hunch they […]
Read More untold story of a demon’s heart, part 1Feeling defective is one of the worst feelings. I’ve never quite fit in because of my lack of social skills. They were stunted because of trauma I experienced from a young age. I didn’t socialize with many children outside of public school and I’m not sure if you’re aware but public school is a fucking […]
Read More living with anxiety, mood swings and autoimmune deficienciesi feel emotions inside a glass caseget trapped with them, suffocated by them but simply cannot release the emotions to anyone, anything cannot leave, i am living inside a glass case of emotions for everyone to see and they gawk in horror and they cannot feel me
Read More glass case of emotionsdear you, falling in love with madness , is such sweet sorrow.. being moved by the fluttering of a butterfly wing, a word juxtaposed in between the lips of a beautiful woman on tv, a reflection in the mirror, even- me, anything brings me to an emotional epiphany, it seems lovely but it’s scary and it’s […]
Read More Falling In Love With MadnessI was walking on the sidewalk in my residential complex by a black metal fence probably bordering the park. It was mid evening, and summer because it was late but still bright outside. I often recall a certain event from that day. I’ve remembered this event since it happened it seems. It pops in my […]
Read More a tell-tale from childhood about anxiety.it feels like I am nicking myself when I am walking to a table, to sit down, and get comfortable. as soon as I get positioned for my seat, I run into something. I snag my skin on something and end up nicking myself. it’s a sharp throbbing pain, it annoys me more than it […]
Read More how it feels to be stuck with my emotions.what do normal people do with their hands? so okay, I see my extremities, the fingers they call them and they hold onto…hold onto what? love? hope? no? then I don’t understand. moving on, how should I look? which direction, how long, and…with what intensity? what do I do with my mouth? should I just […]
Read More What do I do with my hands?pandemics. near death experiences. constant anxiety. consistent heartache. so much longing. why do I have to?
Read More it’s been some minutes.I am worth a lot of things. Lemme tell you which ones. I am worth the time. I am worth effort. I am worth energy. I am worth follow-through. I am not worth more, but I am worth just as much as you. I matter. What I want matters, what pleases me matters a nd […]
Read More I am worth something.the mental hoops through which I have to jump through to grasp onto my sanity are plentiful and vast. they span across a whole field. the last silver hoop with finish sprawled across the top in neon lit hieroglyphs, something I can’t understand, is never close enough. it remains in my periphery. a means to […]
Read More what it’s like inside my psychenobody gives a shit about me. that’s just fine. I’ll just disappear. no matter how much I try to be seen, no matter how much “good” I think I do, no one cares if I wasn’t here no one would remember. I’m so tired of the pain of loneliness. and on top of physical pain […]
Read MoreI do what I need do. I need to listen to my current favorite song and listen to it. Really listen to it. Over and over. Smoke some weed. As much as possible. Order takeout. Some greasy, spicy shit. Stare at the sun. Cry. Laugh. Live. That’s it.
Read More in these moments…I don’t want to love you. But I do. your gaunt face haunts me as I stare in the mirror while I touch myself, you disgust me. you’re a miscreant. a deviant. a devil in plain sight. but goddammit, you’re alright. with me.
Read More this is meant to be read in a screaming voice.I dreamt of you again. I am sickened by the way you burrow into my brain like a parasite with a purpose. Breaking me into a million little pieces so I can build myself again. I dreamt you hurt me and I liked it. I dreamt your house was empty and you were at the […]
Read More A letter to a man who once was.not all, just some, but when will I meet the bit that do? when will I find my proverbial tribe? why must I wander the paths of life alone? I am so tired. The trek feels so long when you have no one to chat over it with.
Read More some people just don’t get me.More posts coming soon.
Read More Sadness is brewing.
hades 