a tell-tale from childhood about anxiety.

I was walking on the sidewalk in my residential complex by a black metal fence probably bordering the park. It was mid evening, and summer because it was late but still bright outside. I often recall a certain event from that day. I’ve remembered this event since it happened it seems. It pops in my…

a pep talk with myself:

  I’m easily discouraged due to my easily thwarted efforts to stick to anything. I am trying to create a routine that will give me a sense of stability and control although I have the desire to let my life crumble around me. I’m trying to add things to my routine I actually enjoy and…

Care The Most About Yourself: A Message From a Writer

What Is The Aim Of My Writing? I think a lot of writers face this question when trying to figure out how to make a career out of putting a bunch of words together in a cohesive way: what is the aim of my writing? I asked myself this question yesterday and these are the thoughts…

Apocalypse Now

find a way to get through the day and maybe, just maybe it will be okay holding on to that hope is all I can do to keep from putting holes in my brain with a bullet or two my perception is askew but it is not blurry I’m quite aware of my mistakes and…

A Coming of Age 26 year old Psyche

So I was laying down in bed reflecting on the fact that I’ve been having a series of actualizations at a rate that I never experienced before in my entire life. I have had thoughts about things that I have thought about countless times and for the first time in 20 years I have thought…

I Just Think It’s Funny How: A Rant

  One day I will get passed my “I just think it’s funny how” moments when it comes to men… But today is NOT that day. I’ve been dragged through the mud mentally by these men who purposely take advantage of my horniness and mood instability. Granted I contacted some of them first, but I…

suicidal love note

if I end up dead… that’s okay. I wasn’t having much of a fun time anyways. my bones grow tired, my mind grows listless. I have no focus because I’ve lost my vision. this tension that that grows from my spine to my toes has been putting quite a hump in the backside of my…

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How I Wasted A Fuck Ton Cash

    Swimming in a sea of melancholy with no true purpose or lust for life, a huge wad of money in the bank, and a drug habit are three things that do not make a fantastic combination. At 25 years old you have a lot less grounding in life than you think. Perhaps I…

Saying What You Feel 

Every word falling out my mouth in the perfect position serendipitously aligning with my psyche.  What a blessing. I’ve never been religious but expressing yourself freely is godly. A sense of hope that’s actually rooted in reality. This shit is sanctimonious.  Feeling every emotion make sense inside of me is like finding a polar bear in…

Why My Ex Boyfriend Finally Stopped Fucking Me

Wanting more intimacy beyond foreplay or sex is not a strange desire especially when that’s all you’re getting – sex. Most of the men i’ve been with made me feel abnormal and excessive for my desire to do more things besides fuck in order to connect with them. Fucking was always a part of ‘we’….